10 Clean Comebacks to Trivia Night Hecklers
It’s probably one of the most understated guilty pleasures of the bar trivia experience, for both the host and the audience: watching a heckler get slapped down. Trivia nights are fun and informal, and when done right there is a free and open engagement between the participants and the quizmaster. At my events, I actually encourage heckling, so long as it’s humorous- then again, I’ve been known for my quick-witted comebacks since middle school (only now it doesn’t land me in detention).
Here are 10 common heckles, followed by clean comebacks to lob at hecklers who – in good spirit or bad – try to take the quizmaster down a peg. Sometimes the audience wins, which is good- I don’t mind being the butt of jokes, so long as they’re funny! However, after hosting these events for so long I’ve gotten pretty reflexive in my heckler hit-backs, so watch out!
All of the below heckles & family-friendly comebacks have been used on the field of pub quiz combat – and, I’m proud to say, I’ve emerged as the undisputed victor every time. Enjoy!
1) “You Suck!”
Response: “Yes, but I’m not wearing a baseball hat.”
2) “This round is boring!”
Response: “This from the guy drinking water.”
3) “Lame question!”
Response: “Yes, but the host is adorable.”
4) “Lame answer!”
Response: “Don’t blame me, blame Wikipedia.”
5) “This is old person trivia!”
Response: “We should start carding at the door again.”
6) “This trivia night blows!”
Response: “We’ll refund your entrance fee.” (only works at free events)
7) “Nice sideburns!” (okay, maybe this is kind of specific for me)
Response: “At least I have hair somewhere on my head.”
8) “Why are you going so fast?”
Response: “Why are you so drunk on a Monday?”
9) “Repeat the question!”
Response: “No.”
10) “F*^# you!”
Response: “This is a family bar, my friend- so F*^# you!” (okay, not so clean. But sometimes, you have to fight fire with fire. Whatever. I have a microphone).
So long as the heckling isn’t mean-spirited, derogatory or downright offensive, I welcome it at bar trivia, and view it as a positive addition to an already enjoyable experience- the same goes for corporate events, if the crowd seems like they can handle it, which they often can.
Hit me with your best heckle in the “Leave a Reply” section- see how fast I come back!