3 Things the Manti Te’o Girlfriend Hoax Teaches Us About Trust

By now, anybody with an Internet connection has surely heard of the Manti Te’o girlfriend hoax (summary: star football player has girlfriend he never met, who then “died” – but she never really existed in the first place) – and right on the heels of the Lance Armstrong doping admission, no less (we snagged this exclusive interview with Lance’s bike, if you’re interested).

Reaction to this bizarre story has been predictably wide-ranging: confusion, disbelief, betrayal, anger. My take, though? I think it’s a story about trust.

As a corporate team building specialist in NYC, my job is to help groups forge bonds and get to know one another better- essentially, to build trust amongst each other so that they can work better as a team. And this whole saga just screams “trust issues” to me. I had a boss back in the day who told me, “David, you can be honest with me, because I can only violate your trust once.” He was right – once you break that sacred promise, you will never – NEVER – be trusted with anything again.

Here’s 3 different levels where the trust occurred here – and failed:

1. Manti’s trust in his “girlfriend” – While it’s not yet clear if he was duped or made her up completely, we can assume for the moment that Manti’s heart was in the right place. He met a woman online and forged a bond with her, connecting on some level – emotional, personal, spiritual, romantic. Whomever was on the other end of that chat window, however, manipulated Manti’s trusting nature for the sake of a prank.

1. Manti’s team’s trust in him – The star player’s coaches and fellow players took Manti at his word when he told them he had suffered a personal tragedy – and why not? After all, something like a dead girlfriend is hardly something one would make up (well, apparently not – but you get my point). They rallied around their own, helped prop him up and gave him both the extra space and attention one would expect of a caring team. The team’s trust was violated – how can he ever get it back now?

1. The world’s trust in Manti and his team – Such a heart-wrenching story of tragic loss for a beloved athlete was sure to get a lot of attention, and it did. The world responded with sympathy, attention, and support – all of which helped both Manti and his team’s drive towards success. But it was all built on lies – it is now clear that the team knew of the hoax for quite some time, but did nothing to reveal that, instead basking in the warm glow of adoring fans and media attention. They violated our trust for the sake of a good season. I hope it was worth it, because we’re never giving them that trust again.

Whether on the field, in the workplace or in the home, it all comes down to trust – without it, people simply can’t get along together in a productive, positive way.